Early morning musings

6:40 seems to be the choice of time for my body to wake me up without the alarm these days.
woke up thinking about how I sleep. On my left side when I’m in bed alone. On my right when alex is here.
Thinking about early Sunday mornings with Kara in high school. Usually slept in my back then. also realized from that, I sleep with the other person in bed to my right usually.

It’s going so-so.

I find myself going through a lot of the motions, but totally avoiding some other things. I’ve watched movies while he’s been gone, but I have’t put a blanket back on the couch or pulled the pillow back down. I haven’t laid on the couch to watch movies because it will be too hard to wake up alone and not have him to put me in bed. So I’ve only slept in bed. I actually haven’t cried since Tuesday, but I think today might be is the day. I’m scared of being alone tomorrow. I haven’t had a whole day alone yet. And Sundays were always our day together. I’m hoping so badly for a phone call & knowing there probably won’t be one. It just hurts. And it absoloutely is all the little things.

Uugh

I wrote this last night, but set to publish today for privacy. If you know us IRL or follow me on twitter, you probably knew, but details details.

Alex had his last night at home before Basic with me last night.

Tonight we’re in Charlotte, waiting to process tomorrow morning at MEPS.

I am pretty much a wreck & doing my damndest to hold it in. I am thankful to the lovely folks at the Center City Hampton Inn for working with me this afternoon so I could stay here tonight.

I have held it together over the strangest things and not broken down when I expected I would. But then I’m bursting into tears over small weird things. Alex noted earlier it’s been weepy, but I’ve only broken down into full on sobbing once this morning.

He’s gone to check himself in now.

Mom may come up to see him swear in officially with me tomorrow. It seems childish in one way that I’m clinging on to every second I can with him, but I keep reminding myself at the same time that it’s obviously what I need to make myself feel beter about the next 8.5 weeks.

We made the hard decision earlier than when he calls with the address, I will not pick up because he only has about a minute & I will let it go to voicemail because I will need to listen to the message a few times to make sure I have the address right. This is a super hard choice for me but the only logical one there really is: my cell has bad reception at both of my workplaces & with the crunch time, I may not be able to get to a good cell spot in time. But I know I’ll want to hear his voice so badly.

Part of this, you have to realize, is since we’ve been together ( 8.5 years), the longest we’ve gone without talking is about a week, when he was at Philmont. So not seeing each other for 2 months & not talking for long stretches… is going to be really hard.

Aw, Saturday…

My Saturday plan included sleeping in. Alex’s alarm went off, then he decided to play music loud while waiting for the tea to boil. Meaning I’m now wide awake. On the day I wanted to sleep in.

However, I am glad he’s here to do that. I’m gonna miss seeing him every day…

Selfish

I’m feeling very selfish about Alex’s BMT graduation on May 11. Familly goes 2 months all the time without seeing him. I’m going for 2 months without seeing my husband – you know, that guy I live with, sleep with, talk to daily. I’m feeling a bit about it like I did our wedding. I understand his family (in particular) want to be there to show their encouragement/support of his endeavour, but I don’t particularly want them there.

Also in the “ridiculous feelings” category, I’m feeling a bit attacked because they’re asking about graduation & I’m not there yet. I’m still struggling with the shipping out stuff: power of attorney forms, having to pay bills without the usual paychecks there, combining my birthday & our anniversary celebrations because he’s going to be gone at our anniversary. I know they aren’t, they’re excited, but I feel like I’m getting skipped & fussed at for not thinking ahead enough, even though that absoloutely isn’t true, it’s just how I’m feeling.

In short, I get at least 2 hours of husband-uninterrupted-not-family-time off base. I demand it.

What’s Jessy going to do while [Alex] is at Basic?

[Crossposted from Alex's Air Force blog]

I think I get this question more than any other. The Air Force (for reasons that should be obvious) will not let me move with Alex during Basic. So from March to May, I’m at our house in [edit: home]. After Basic, if Technical School is over a certain number of months (3 maybe?) I am allowed to move with Alex, but only after that time limit. However, because he is getting transferred between two locations for Technical School, I would be moving from [edit: home] to Arizona in August or so, then with him to Florida shortly after that, then after he receives his first base posting after Technical School is done (December-ish), I would be moving 3 times in about 6 months.

One of my jobs is with the [edit: festival job], which is in September. I have all ready committed to being part of this festival again this year. Our house lease was signed in October while we were still waiting on Alex to go to MEPS, so I have that to consider as well. I’m fairly confident our landlord will let me go month to month after October until we have a definite time frame/location for Alex’s first base posting.

In the meantime, after May, I should have my military ID and be allowed base access. From what the recruiter has told us, we expect it to not be a big deal if I choose to visit Alex during Technical School (his training schedule allowing). Also, once at Technical School, it sounds like Alex should have regular internet access and cell phone use, so we’ll be able to take care of a lot of stuff that way.

All in all, what I’m going to do while Alex is at Basic is manage. I’m still intending to keep both my jobs, so my day to day shouldn’t change much.

Five Day Challenge – #4

Day One. One thing you want right now
Day Two. Two people you want to be with right now
Day Three. Three of your favorite songs ever

Day Four. Four of your favorite memories

. Playing with Erin and Michael and Andrew and David in elementary school on the swingset (sometimes joined by Jessica and Patrick too)
. Cracking up at Eleanor yelling for everyone to shut up at our wedding reception and Jacob’s reaction to it
. Snuggling on the couch with Ginger kitty
.Drunken Halloween party in college. Alternately, drunken dress up party in college.

Day Five. Five things you would like to do before you die

source

Air Force – Job Offer

Alex got a job offer a few weeks ago. Communications Signals Intelligence Production (1N2X1). Basically, he gets to play with incoming data and make lots of reports on it.

His deployment date to Basic is March 13 (2012). Basic is 8.5 weeks and he enlists as an E3 (Airman First Class) because of his college credits. So by the end of May or so, he’ll graduate. Basic is in Texas. Following that, he goes straight into Tech School for roughly 210 days (roughly 7 months). Approximately 3 will be in Texas, and 3 in Florida. By the end of 2012, or early 2013, we should have his first base posting and I can move in with him. Actually, I believe that I can move in partway through Tech School, but it would mean 3 moves in a year… and everyone has recommended against that. While he’s at Basic, I can’t be in touch with him other than by snail mail. Once he’s at Tech School, I can visit, call, email, whatever. So really, the first will be absolutely the hardest simply because I go from living with my husband to ZERO contact with him for 2 months.

But that’s where we stand currently.

Happy Thanksgiving

We made: green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, turkey & Alex’s boss gave us some of his homemade stuffing.
We had: my brother-in-law over.
We watched: our own 007 marathon, a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.
We played: Munchkin.
We drank: Manhattans made with Knob Creek, a bottle of Lake James Cellars’ Vino Classico, Firefly with lemonade, scotch.
We did: 4 loads of dishes, but only used 1 disposable tray the whole day.
I: knit.
Alex: played Skyrim.
We proved: we can do our own holidays and be happy and stress-free.

Commisions?

Commissions. Speak to me of them. Do you take them? Do you enjoy them? How do you price them?

I had another person I know ask me to consider a commission for them and while my first instinct is yes because I like the person & her recipient of the commission (it’s a gift), my second thought is wait, no. Only in part because of the project size.

I enjoy commissions because I make things that aren’t my usual style or colour, but I also hate taking away from *my* knitting time. I always feel bad with a personal project and a commission both on the needles at the same time and guilitly work on the commission… but it goes slowly because I don’t want to be doing it. Anyone else have this issue? How do you work over it?